[anyone]

grinningotter @ 2004-06-08T13:40:00

2004-06-08T17:43:32Z

Working all week= having AWESOME weekends.
We partied from friday night till sunday night.

We saw the darkness show which was fun cause we go nice and smashed and danced and sang along like fools, went to a party, went to the orpheum and got attacked by fat scene bitches who wanted to dance with me and Jeff.
Then on sunday I went water skiing and drove the boat around.

My dad: "Soon, before you punch it, it's very important that everything on the boat is straight, the ski line, the motor, the bow of the boat, everything needs to be straight"

my reply: "Perhaps then, I shouldn't be the one driving this vessel."

I'm all giddy lately.

Silver City

2004-06-05T17:35:27Z

I hate the genre of art in which I paint. I have decided this after sitting around and lookig at my own paintings for long enough. Post-modern paintings, pop painting, multi-media..All of it falls under the same genre, and all are well deserving of my feelings of absolute disgust. Why? Because I can do it. I don't rank myself up there with some who have perfected the craft, but I have accomplished it and therefore, makes me wonder if it is legitimate. I have no training, have no talent, have no understanding of the materials I use, yet I can slop things together with a stitch or two of super glue, some scribbled lines of poetry and suddenly, I have a piece of elitist love'n scene hugg'n art trash. And I hang it proudly on my walls.

I think Andy Warhol would have hated me simply because of the fact that I like the intricities of traditional art, I enjoy the hidden meanings, the symbols, it wasn't all restrictive, the impressionists broke the mold. it was art but art with more thought and planning and appreciation for what was around them. Not these billboards on canvas you see in our castles of culture called art museums.

Where can I get stage blood?

I need it for the movie, which has apparently been pushed back. Mainly because I left the script in my locker at work, and haven't been able to type it up...

I promise you, its pretty good. Though the taping process will be somewhat akward and choppy. I think, next weekend would probably be best, since it will giv eme time to collect people/props, and talk about it and what I plan on doing, so as to get everyone on the same page as me.

grinningotter @ 2004-06-03T14:10:00

2004-06-03T18:12:38Z

Howdy everyone.
Sunday, I believe I am going to start taping one of my films. ANd so, I am putting an ad out for anyone who wants to help.

I need people to do everything from hold the camera, to act, to help with props, to listen to me bitch.

I am an asshole when I direct.

If anyone wants to show up around my place at 11pm, we could get shit done.

Depending on who we get, will decide which film I'll do, either the funnier, quirky one, or the sadistic one. We'll find out.

Questions? COmments?

toast and waffles.

2004-06-02T13:56:37Z

So besides the fact that I have been working like a dog for the past two weeks running around in this stupid training class at the hilton, I actually feel like it is more summer now then it has been since august. We had a hella fun party, and I feel like all of my friends actually have time to hang out now. I get to see jeff and amanda, travis, jackie, krista, carrie, joe, everyone, so much more then I used to, there is less drama too..everyone is so fucking happy, and that makes me fucking happy, and we are all just so fucking happy. Except jesus, who is still a little bitter about that nailing to the cross incident...hello! let it go. I had a dream about dock browns hair today. It was one of my college proffesors, and it failed me. So, i officially hate all things related to time travel. I am planning a trip to new york for anyone who wants to go up there and stay for free/reduced price, because conrad hilton is my hommie, and new york has really tall buildings and they are phalic symbols which make me oh so wet in 5 places.

i love everyone.
i love girl talk.
i love throwing parties.

Beach MADNESS

2004-05-11T17:52:17Z

Me, Jackie, Eric, and eric's friend Dave all decided that the beach is where we should be. at 1 am.

So we drive at and immedietly begin romping about.
take a piss on a lifeguard house.
We disassemble lawn chairs
we trash dig
we lug a large metal frame chair to the top of a sand dune and make it our mountain.

something about cats with switchblades and eyepatches?

grinningotter @ 2004-05-05T03:07:00

2004-05-05T07:14:20Z

at the end of my rope
not just a suicidal phase
but from the rafters I'll drench it with some flavorless intoxicant
light it ablaze

face down in my pillows the thoughts of you racing
i cant help remembering
the anniversaries
the anniversaries

the purity of flesh, for a lifetime of expectation
laid under your embrace, seemed a one-sided trade
innocence traced by your hand
turning to fists
to rip it away, leaving nothing of childhood jade.

at the end of my rope
not just a suicidal phase
but from the rafters I'll drench it with some flavorless intoxicant
light it ablaze

grinningotter @ 2004-05-05T02:55:00

2004-05-05T07:00:42Z

i smoked to much tonight
and no matter what I filled my lungs with,
it couldn't fill me like your smile.

i wanted to cry so much tonight,
but the thought of you kept all my tears at bay

and knowing that no matter what, the things done can't be revoked
that the status quo we're in,
is from past feelings that shouldn't have been provoked

i wanted to love so much tonight
and love was what I did
but through the haze of misfortune
i could see
my heart was the only one putting forth the effort.

wow. microphone eating entertainment

2004-04-27T19:26:51Z

Me and Jackie had a good time at the beach, what with sand castles, swimming, and thieving seagulls who shit in purses. Afterwards, we got Carrie and Eric, and ventured to the state theatre, to go see Beloved, My Chemical ROmance, and Avenged Sevenfold. We got there VEEEEEEERY late, but no big deal, we saw the end of Beloved, who was good, but then......My Chemical ROMance got on. The lead singer, was a very very fat man in a very very tiny black blazer. And everytime a guitar solo came, he would put his right hand on his hip and prance about on stage, then he would stop and scream. Needlesss to say, me and carrie were cracking up, and were attracting evil stares from all the stuck-up hardcore kids..But the breaking point came when we look up to find that the lead singer had shoved the microphone in his mouth, and began flailing his arms around while he screamed. We had to run out because we were literally doubled over in laughter.

So, there was no reentry.

We walked around ST Pete instead, and got some coffee, some ice cream.
Went down by the beach and played in the sprinklers, then found out that shakespear in the park was playing, and watched the end of a calypso interpretation of some play, we're still not really sure which one, but it was fun to watch.

And of course, to top off any night right, we saw a bum fight, which was freakin' hilarious.

Good times, good times.

grinningotter @ 2004-04-25T04:07:00

2004-04-25T08:08:34Z

Thought running through my mind...
What do straightedge kids think about using morphine or other pain killers? What about Isopropyl alchol?

They use smoke to drive bees from the hive, hence they breath it in, does that make bees not straight edge?

I will marry this woman.

2004-04-14T19:46:45Z

This movie is the best, and we are having a pilgrimage to volume 2 friday.
Everyone should join in.

My life has been rather uneventful. Every date possibility isn't until like, 2 months. Cause people are gone and away and doing thins more important then cuddling with me on a couch and watching uma thurman kill 88 ninjas.

Not that I'm depressed, its more of an anxiety thing. Instead of saying,"Oh, boo hoo..I'm never gonna have anybody" it's more like,"I wish I could have someone now..cause I know I will have someone eventually, they're just taking their damn sweet time.

Furs! DIAMONDS!

2004-04-07T06:56:20Z

Went thrifting, resulted in:

And girl pants, which I think I look nice in.

Grragh! Says the Co-Workers!

2004-04-04T21:46:33Z

So.
I start so many entries like that.

I went to state competitions.
We kinko'd me a pass, and went to go see one of the main stages. I didn't know which one it was, Jackie picked it, and told me that I was too meet her at 7:45. Come to find out, it was Sugar. Also, come to find out, it was fucking awful. I've seen quite a few mainstages, and usually I'm blown away, but this one, was definetly one of the most forgetable musicals I have ever seen. The songs were less then catchy, and actually verged more on annoying, the jokes were either relying completely on sexual inneundos, which where funny, or, they were cheesey. Like interacting with the orchestra pit...WHY do directors like to add that in? It takes away from the prestige..I hate it. The actors for the most part where very good, most notably, the fatter cross dresser who romanced the old man (I can't remember his name, I told you it was forgetable) He gave his full 100%..some of the others gave less then that, and some who gave there all just didn't cut it (more then their far share of flat notes.)

Yeah. Lame.

But it was fun chillin' wit da high schoolers.

Last Night, Me and Eric Drove out to St Pete, And saw this art/cover band show, that had this really weird DJ who strung all these songs together, they played Berlin! I was so happy. He had really good taste, I must say. We then went to this house party, which was almost ver, but took place in a gorgeous house, and then, we drove around st pete and went on adventures. One took place in a Baptist Church...:

So that was fun.

I enjoy working at university.
Although I just met one of my new coworkers who looks like this:

I think my theory on ugly people being able to accentuate the good features they do have has just been blown away by this oddity.

Oh well.....
Every rose....has it's thorn..

grinningotter @ 2004-03-29T13:10:00

2004-03-29T18:49:27Z

Reasons for LIVING:

What more do you need? Besides gay marriage.

Abortion quote.
"It seems most people only care about the sanctity of human life while it's still inside, once it's born, they don't give a damn what happens to it."

I'm gonna go to work in an hour or so. And I don't even wanna go.
But that seems like a general complaint, nowadays.

Things you want
Can often be satisfied
as a child,
Cookies would do
Adolescent;
That shiney new bike
to help you cruise the neighborhood.
Things get blurred.
The bells of the Church seem to ring.
A toll for each hour.
One less gone.
One less gone.
They chime.
1st grade lunch in the cafeteria
One chime, ring.
Trip to the beach, with family.
Lying in the sand.
The church bells still rang.
Two chimes ring.
Three chimes, four chimes.

They all still ring.

Blurred your vision becomes, more so then before.
You can't stop the church bells.
the hatred swells
the things you want
seem to haunt
as they slip from time to time.

The cookie on the shelf is much harder to reach.
clock strikes twelve
Twelve chimes, ring.

I hope you got everything you ever wanted.

grinningotter @ 2004-03-28T23:05:00

2004-03-29T04:13:57Z

Defining moments.
Being in summer camp, were importance was found in being the fastest at dodge ball.
Simple.
Where do you get your clothes?
Have you read [book]?
You don't paint?
You aren't in photography?
What about [band], have you heard them?

Moving on is hard when you can't see the end of the road.

grinningotter @ 2004-03-28T22:52:00

2004-03-29T03:52:17Z

Thursday is writing your life story!you're more
concerned with the bigger issues of life rather
than high school drama. this is all well and
good, but don't get so caught up in your
figurative language that it seems like you're
speaking Nepalese. like that's a language.

Which Band Is Writing Your Life's Story?
brought to you by Quizilla

lately.

2004-03-28T19:56:28Z

We were drinking the other day, and while I was standing up in the middle of the living room with my pants ripped half up to my ass [which i did to myself, intentionally] I suddenly had this experience that I can closely describe as an Out of Body Experience. I felt like everthing I was doing, every experience I had, was simply a memory of mine that I was reliving form my death bed some 40 years into the future. For this reason, It felt as If I was jumping from scene to scene, skipping and omiting certain situations because my memory had gaps in it.

Whats worse is that I still get this feeling rushed at me at times when my mind is sober and unoccupied.

As If time was a pre-written book that I've already read, and I'm just flipping through the chapters.

And ontop of that, I'm having serious issues with my dreams.

I remember every damn thing I ever dream, I have incredibly vivid dreams as I sleep, and for whatever reason, my brain has begun to think it's fun to play tricks on me.

Usually, I have these absolutely absurd dreams, but now, I'm having these mundane, simple ones, that are becoming blurred with real life.

Like this morning I was in a fit becuase I couldn't find the phone number to this architecture firm that I SWORE called me yesterday and offered me a job, provided I called back, until my mind cleared and I realized that the firm calling was completely fictious, and the event occured in a dream.

I was also about to tell Russ that I had a conversation with his father, because, In a dream, I drove over, went to his house, and knocked on the door, only to find that russ wasn't home, so I had a delightful chat with his father. I don't even know if this kid has a father, fuck I haven't even met Russ!

But for the life of me, it still feels like I was there, It's stored on the same shelf as all of concious memories, and it's starting to fuck with me, becuase I can't keep all of them straight.

For the Record:
Russ's Dad has a grey beard
He Favors the Boston Red Socks, though he's not A Boston native.
He moved to Tampa cause he hated the cold, and always wanted to have a boat, plus, there where business reasons, that fell through,a dn that he didn't really wanna get into, mainly because I think he was embarresed.

Just a little something I made for my hero, Mr. Kurt Vonnegut

DAUB NOW!

2004-02-22T04:22:19Z

Soo....me [and family] are going out on the boat tommorow, which will be fun, but for now, it means that I have to stay here for the evening.

But tommorow will be an enjoyable day.

LAST NIGHT!

We high societly elitists went to the ever popular Seminole Gaming Casino! We discovered that Joe is an absolute addict who just couldn't stop popping money into the slot machines, only he walked away the big winner, with a ticket for 61.00 bucks! Everyone else got like a few dollars, except me, who lost 7 dollars, and didn't even have enough money to buy food at McDonoald's afterwards.

I think I could've done better, if i oculd have figured out what the hell 'Daubing' was, Joe was the only one to figure it out, but apparaently as you play the slot machine, not only are you playing slots, but withing threee seconds you are also playing a game of bingo..it's so.......multitasking, and I couldn't handle it.

Fo rmy birthday in october I wanna rent the presidential sweet at the top of the hard rock hotel, and gamble the night away in furs of every imaginable size, shape and softness.

Fun fun

2004-02-16T07:12:03Z

Yeah, so, I made this, and you should all go see it.

http://veepers01.budlight.com/service/RetrieveCard?id=3424267A-604F-11D8-8CE2-E3635E514682

Then you should all go make ones of your own

Happy Valentines Day

2004-02-15T11:57:48Z

So, I spent the entirety of my valentines evening getting utterly smashed into oblivion.

I have never been that drunk before. And I still have not gotten sick. So I am glad to say that I hold my liquor well.

I had a panic attack about death a little while ago. A very short one. Its not so much the idea of dieing that bothers me, it's the idea of missing all my friends, really. I don't wanna just be a memory that everyone mentions while eating buffalo wings at firehouse grill.

Oh well.

The Castle went well on thursday, despite fire alarms being pulled. We played spin the bottle outside for a good 2 hours, and made out with about 15 strangers....

It was unique.

Evan's alarm clock just went off in the next room, it's a bunch of birds chirping. I hate it. It sounds like a fucking basket of blue jays just exploded and now they are flying around. I feel like I should have a bb gun.

I myself was rather suprised to find that I wasn't all that depressed this valentines day. I mean, I was sad that I didn't ave anyone to spend it with, but it was just like any other day.

Today :)

2004-02-13T00:08:16Z

Wow, I had such a good day! It was so simple, but it was just good.

I think any day can be made wonderful if taken with just the correct sense of humor.

I walked into the middle of a class, that I thought was mine...And the door opened almost directly onto the stage where the teacher was, so I burst in, see 300 students looking at me and the proffesor staring at me...before turning around and crying.

I also made friends with my trapper keeper...you'd be suprised how many people are just like, "Wow! You have a trapper keeper! I'll trust you." I could take the whole world over, I had 10 people talking to me in my rein class about it, it was smashing.
THANKS CHRIS!

Then I just came home and napped, with the blinds open, so it wasnt a solitary nap, more like a nap in the sun, which really refreshed me, and got me a good dosage of vitamin d...

I'm just....happy today..

Yeah.

grinningotter @ 2004-02-12T01:31:00

2004-02-12T06:34:28Z

creep little one, creep as if you knew tyhe way to some sort of home that you would one day inhabit, but you don't following blindly as antenna rub against walla and baseboard of saturated medical white, sterilized and dusted, febreeze clinging heavily to the air that is often traversed by childrens giggles or the barking of the family dog. Watching is your game, taking what you can while you investigate these people, with their dresses of well made fabric, blue jeans of designer styles. Wasting, taking, glutinous, wanton.
All you want is a crumb.
But you can always just watch little one, watch.

grinningotter @ 2004-02-10T13:49:00

2004-02-10T19:02:46Z

I woke up this morning and didn't feel so hot, so I skipped class. I think thats Bad.

I feel better now, but I feel sticky, which is weird.

Oh well. I though I had sme weird random though while I was lying in bed, and I really wanted to get it out and onto livejournal, but apparently I've forgotten what it was, tear.

Oh, but it was good, I promise you.

and the house itself
had never loved
treated with owners
who could decorate no more
half painted walls
pictures hung askew
occupants could never
fufill the house's potential
But now the home is vacant
And it wishes for nothing more then to have an owner
any owner
then to sit alone, and vacant.

Give it a spin, see if you can somehow factor in...

2004-02-09T19:13:04Z

OK! Before I forget! Those of you who aren't doing anything between april 25th and may 5th, and who are interested in seeing these bands:

The CURE
Radiohead
The Flaming Lips
The PIXIES
The Rapture
Junior Senior
Death Cab for Cutie
Electric 6

plus 50+ other indie/cool/awesome bands need to start saving up money for a roadtrip to California.

I am TOTALLY and UTTERLY serious. THe Coachella Music Festival is headlining the people above, it's two days with really cheap camping. Tickets are gonna cost you 150 bucks...but think about who you'd be seeing, bands that you love, that don't go around touring anymore, plus:

The FILM festival
and
ART INSTALLATION festival

all in the same area

Easily said, the coolest two days in america. Drive, sleep in the car, camp when we get there, and then fucking party. IN the end, you'd probably want about 400 dollars for the whole trip, if you could do that before april, and seriously would want to go, AND I ONLY WANT SERIOUS PEOPLE, then talk to me. Then You get to dance with me.

Trading Spaces

2004-02-09T19:04:25Z

5 cans of spray paint and 4 rolls of duct tape later, my room looks completely different. I think I could be an interior decorator, as long as I had evan there to tell me which ideas wouldn't work.

BIGGGGGGGGGG THANKS to Evan for making me vision practical.

Still fixing some loose ends, but it should be ready to view soon, not that anyone cares. It's very post-modern....

Cool...Artsy...Indie...whatever. I feel like I'm in a goldfrapp music video..

Lobster tastes good with lemon butter.

2004-02-06T12:42:54Z

The sun is currently rising.
I was smicken with the worst case of insomnia I think I have ever had. I even popped in some Chris Nichols, and he didn't even help me sleep. I've sorta made a hobby of watching Carrie Sleep. She stayed over after we got back from the Castle, and sleeps very calmly and peacefully, no slobbering, drooling or odd faces. Just gentle slumber. It's cute. And I like having someone sleep in my bed. I think it has something to do with the male-protection-natural-instinct type thing, I feel like Im in charge of someone who's asleep wrapped in my covers.

That was just one of the things I was thinking about hile I attempted to go to sleep.

I designed a highly efficent and wonderously self contained chicken farm in my head, in hopes that halfway through the trusses and beams, I would fllow asleep while trying to solve the air-flow problem I was stumbling over. I'm not gonna get into specifics, but It's designed to provide high-paying, low stress jobs to the uneducated working class, that provde a certain amount of respect in the community. I know Chicken Farming doesn't sound like much of a prestigious position, but they would be closer to technicians, overseeing automated processes and initiating mechanical activity.

I just realized what I was typing, and that half of you either think I'm stupid, or a nut.

I also surfed around on my trusty laptop and found the 'Average Guys Guide to Indie Rock'

It was actually kinda interesting, and I discovered a few bands I had never heard of.
Apparently I don't listen to nearly enough Velvet Underground or Sonic Youth to truly be considered, "Underground." Not because I dislike them, I don't, they're both good ol' bands, but I can only listen to one song at a time, and I have others I'd rather listen to.

...On friends
I think I've done a good job weeding out people I don't like.
High school forced a bunch of people to constantly be around each other. Whether or not you liked the people you were around was luck of the draw. High School was full of me tolerating people and hanging around people out of corteousy, a habit I have definetly dropped since moving out of there. If you don't get called by me, chances are you annoy me. It may be that I lost your number or something, but most likely, I put up with you because I had to in a particular point of time, and now, I'm probably rather satisfied that you're out of my life.
I'm not saying that you're better or worse then me, or that you're a bad person or anything like that, just that me and you ain't sending out the same signals.

I know that sounds mean, and I'm sure someone is all offended and getting ready to mount an attack of vengeful comments yelling at me for not loving the world or whatever.
But thats the truth, and you know very well and proper that you do the same thing. I am so fucking sick of sugar coating. I think every american kid has grown up with these facades, movies portraying what love should be like, tv shows telling us that if we work hard we can do anything. If you haven't figured it out already, most of what you've been told is bull shit. I'm a huge beatles fan, and love John Lennon for all he stood for, and thought he was a great man, but I don't believe a word he is saying. Humanity can never ever all get along, we just aren't made for it. We can tolerate each other, yes, but only to certain extents, with this many people, stress is bound to build up and it's going to be releaved somewhere, usually with bullets being buried in someone.

I'm just rambaling, I think.
Carrie just rolled over.

The sun is now almost fully up.
It must sound like i'm just sitting around and complaining, and I usually don't liek to do that unless I can answer some of the complaints, but the truth is that I don't have any answers to humanity's hate, I don't think anyone has an answer to it. Infact, I'm not even sure it's really a question anymore. Why do we hate hate? what's so bad about it? It's a natural emotion we're given..I mean, to sit here and think we can just stop 'hating' is stupid.

Here, I'll say it.
Anyone, and I mean ANYONE who has ever said:
"I don't hate anyone, I love everyone."

Is the biggest liar and self-absorbed prick in my book of people I know and others I am yet to meet.

You can't just not hate, it doesn't work like that. It's ingrained in you to hate, it's part of your makeup, its something as human as human gets, like apple pie to america, or wheels to cars, its a fundamental human aspect, and I believe we do more harm trying to cover up the fact that we feel angst towards someone/thing/idea/book/piece of art whatever.

Am I supporting hate crimes?
No, of course not, thats stupid. I'm not supporting violence, ateast not on living things. But one again, violence is another human thing that cannot be ignored. Just like affection is the result of love, violence is the result of hate.
Just like affection is expressed in a hug;
violence can be exressed in a song
Just like affection can be expressed in a kind word;
violence can be expressed in a paint brush.

I really hate to end all this really cliche, but it really does come down to how you handle yourself. Most of you know that I tend to express myself in humor, which alot of times is negative towards people, does it make me a bad person? I guess, whatever, so I'm a bad person. What makes me bad? I guess because I care about my apperance and because I can look at a person and from the way they carry themselves, groom themselves and clad themselves, I can already tell alot about them. I don't pretend that I am above judging people. being all: "You shouldn't judge someone." is so self righteous. I'm not gonna go use it as my only basis for friendship, that'd be stupid. But I'm also not going to pretend that external looks don't tell you something about the person.

In the end, I wanna tell all of you who may or may not have read this whole thing that we should strive for love. I'm a believer in Karma, and in a more cosmic interlocking of things, and that If you surround yourself with people you love and people that love you, and weed out people that would cause animosity and anger, you'll find that you don't need to try and cover up feelings of hate. I also wanna say that laughter is, I believe the son of love. They're very closely interlocked. It something shared. A type of intercourse if you will, not of course as intimate, but it's a gift, from one person to another, giving someone a laugh is one of he kindest things you can do for someone, and a truly uplifting experience for those involved. You know how laughing makes you feel, how it unwinds the tightest nerve, or dries the wettest tear, so try to spread that.

And hey, dress nice, people are watching.